The Joua & Brandon couple....officially over 05.23.2013
Last night, after talking for 3.5 hours...Brandon and I are officially broken up. I had actually been contemplating breaking up with him sooner, but I was dragging it out longer than I needed to. We both want different things in life. I wish we would have had the guts to end thing long time ago, but we both allowed our feelings for each other get in the way.
Brandon wants to live his life, the same way he did when he was single. His hunting schedule starts from the end of August til January 1st. Our first year was rough, because he didn't make the effort. But because I "loved" him and still wanted to be with him...I let it slide. I would always complain to him that he wasn't spending enough time with me or making the effort to spend time. I knew deep in my hear, that this was always going to be an issue for me. I have no problem with him hunting. I get it. He loves hunting and that's his hobby. I never want to rob him of his passion. But, I felt like he was investing way too much time in hunting rather than spending time with me. He thought that one hour on the phone and going to church with me on Sundays would make up for loss time.
I asked him a hypothetical question, since I gave up Facebook -- he suggested that, I asked if he would be willing to give up every other weekend of hunting. He said, "No." He then proceeded to avoid feeling like a jerk, so he said I could reactivate my Facebook account. That's not the point. It just really showed where I was on his priority list. Clearly, he still wants to live his life as a single man, yet have the benefits of a girlfriend waiting around on him. So instead of telling me that he's willing to cut some weekends off to spend time with me, he told me I needed to find a hobby to take up my time.
Wow, that was a real eye opener for me. I can't be with a guy like that. I mean, where is the sacrifice? He gave me an ultimatum: If you can't accept my lifestyle, we don't need to be together. Ummm...ok?! Where is the 50-50 here? So, I have to give 100% of me....so you can have 100% happiness, while I'm here upset? Not fair at all!!
Anyway, a lot of what we talked about last night were feelings/thoughts we've held inside for so long. What went wrong? FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. If Brandon would have expressed his concerns to me sooner, we would still be together. He felt that I didn't want to be with him because he's a bad driver, he's too slow, he hunts too much, etc. I don't know where he got things twisted. But there was no changing his mind.
The marriage talk and baby talk was brought up. There are times he sees himself marrying me. And then there are times he doesn't see himself marrying me. He thinks that I would be unhappy with him for the rest of my life and wanted to spare me of this misery. He was honest and said he doesn't think he's ready to get married or have children. You see, that's where the game changer was for me. I want to get married and I want to have children one day. It's just not worth it to me to sit around waiting for years to come by hoping that he would change his mind. I asked him to think of his cousin Forrest, who is currently 37 and still single. I said, "Do you think Forrest is happy being single?" His cousin was with a girl for 4 years, she was great for him...everyone thought they were going to get married. But no, he never "manned" up to marry her. He wanted to live his single life. I bluntly told Brandon, that's going to be his life if he has this mentality. No woman is willing to put up with his hunting stuff, unless she is a hunter herself. He's never found a girl like that before in his whole 27 years of life....how would he find one now?
Well, he may find a girl like that someday. I hope he does find his perfect match for him. We were a great couple together...got along very well. We were best friends. But we just want different things in life. It really hurts me to know that I will be losing Brandon as my other half....but I know in time, God will heal my broken heart. I have no resentment towards Brandon. It was really hard for the both of us to break things off. We still love and care for each other, but we're just not on the same page when it comes to marriage, children, and priorities. I just really wish this talk came a lot sooner....before we invested over 2 years of our energy, time, love, sweat and grit for one another. But you know...it was all worth it in the end. I have no regrets being with Brandon this long. He seriously was the best thing that has ever walked into my life. This is crazy to say, but he will always have a piece of my heart. He will definitely be the one who got away.
But you know, I'll still have him around as a friend. He's great at being a friend too. Wow, I was really lucky to have a guy like Brandon. I don't hold any malice or contempt for the guy...I completely respect him. Looking back at this, it was a very blessed relationship. I just wished it would have worked out for the both of us.
And just as a side note....I will not be dating anyone for a loooooongggg time. I need to get over Brandon before that happens. I don't see that happening any time soon. Especially since he has been a part of my life for over 2 years. You can't just walk away from that and not be sad. Yes, I'm sad that I'm losing my best friend and the love of my life. But, I know God has GREATER things for me...and that makes my heart at peace.
Everything happens for a reason.
Brandon wants to live his life, the same way he did when he was single. His hunting schedule starts from the end of August til January 1st. Our first year was rough, because he didn't make the effort. But because I "loved" him and still wanted to be with him...I let it slide. I would always complain to him that he wasn't spending enough time with me or making the effort to spend time. I knew deep in my hear, that this was always going to be an issue for me. I have no problem with him hunting. I get it. He loves hunting and that's his hobby. I never want to rob him of his passion. But, I felt like he was investing way too much time in hunting rather than spending time with me. He thought that one hour on the phone and going to church with me on Sundays would make up for loss time.
I asked him a hypothetical question, since I gave up Facebook -- he suggested that, I asked if he would be willing to give up every other weekend of hunting. He said, "No." He then proceeded to avoid feeling like a jerk, so he said I could reactivate my Facebook account. That's not the point. It just really showed where I was on his priority list. Clearly, he still wants to live his life as a single man, yet have the benefits of a girlfriend waiting around on him. So instead of telling me that he's willing to cut some weekends off to spend time with me, he told me I needed to find a hobby to take up my time.
Wow, that was a real eye opener for me. I can't be with a guy like that. I mean, where is the sacrifice? He gave me an ultimatum: If you can't accept my lifestyle, we don't need to be together. Ummm...ok?! Where is the 50-50 here? So, I have to give 100% of me....so you can have 100% happiness, while I'm here upset? Not fair at all!!
Anyway, a lot of what we talked about last night were feelings/thoughts we've held inside for so long. What went wrong? FAILURE TO COMMUNICATE. If Brandon would have expressed his concerns to me sooner, we would still be together. He felt that I didn't want to be with him because he's a bad driver, he's too slow, he hunts too much, etc. I don't know where he got things twisted. But there was no changing his mind.
The marriage talk and baby talk was brought up. There are times he sees himself marrying me. And then there are times he doesn't see himself marrying me. He thinks that I would be unhappy with him for the rest of my life and wanted to spare me of this misery. He was honest and said he doesn't think he's ready to get married or have children. You see, that's where the game changer was for me. I want to get married and I want to have children one day. It's just not worth it to me to sit around waiting for years to come by hoping that he would change his mind. I asked him to think of his cousin Forrest, who is currently 37 and still single. I said, "Do you think Forrest is happy being single?" His cousin was with a girl for 4 years, she was great for him...everyone thought they were going to get married. But no, he never "manned" up to marry her. He wanted to live his single life. I bluntly told Brandon, that's going to be his life if he has this mentality. No woman is willing to put up with his hunting stuff, unless she is a hunter herself. He's never found a girl like that before in his whole 27 years of life....how would he find one now?
Well, he may find a girl like that someday. I hope he does find his perfect match for him. We were a great couple together...got along very well. We were best friends. But we just want different things in life. It really hurts me to know that I will be losing Brandon as my other half....but I know in time, God will heal my broken heart. I have no resentment towards Brandon. It was really hard for the both of us to break things off. We still love and care for each other, but we're just not on the same page when it comes to marriage, children, and priorities. I just really wish this talk came a lot sooner....before we invested over 2 years of our energy, time, love, sweat and grit for one another. But you know...it was all worth it in the end. I have no regrets being with Brandon this long. He seriously was the best thing that has ever walked into my life. This is crazy to say, but he will always have a piece of my heart. He will definitely be the one who got away.
But you know, I'll still have him around as a friend. He's great at being a friend too. Wow, I was really lucky to have a guy like Brandon. I don't hold any malice or contempt for the guy...I completely respect him. Looking back at this, it was a very blessed relationship. I just wished it would have worked out for the both of us.
And just as a side note....I will not be dating anyone for a loooooongggg time. I need to get over Brandon before that happens. I don't see that happening any time soon. Especially since he has been a part of my life for over 2 years. You can't just walk away from that and not be sad. Yes, I'm sad that I'm losing my best friend and the love of my life. But, I know God has GREATER things for me...and that makes my heart at peace.
Everything happens for a reason.
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